A Cautionary Tale

Facebook reminded me of an experience I shared 3 years today. I remember that experience like it happened yesterday. A mental scar I will carry forever. Some scars have a purpose. They serve as a reminder of what can happen – a layer of mindful protection to not do that again.

This was one of those mental scars.

On this day in 2018, I shared my cautionary tale. Today, I share it again.

February 10, 2018 I wrote….

Three years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety. I’m sure I’ve had it long before that, likely as far back as my mid-20s. I had finally decided to not go it alone and get help for it 3 years ago. That one decision made a significant difference in my life, and it’s a decision I am forever grateful for.

That decision, put me back on the path to myself.

Like many people dealing with a mental illness, I needed medication. There are often side effects to every medication. Some worse than others, but thankfully there is well-documented information to prepare you for what to expect. Typically, the Doctor and Pharmacist will review this with you.

What I’ve discovered through my own personal nightmare this week is that we often don’t know the side effects of delaying or missing a dose(s). I hadn’t considered what would happen to my mind and body if I missed a dose. I guess I just assumed that my anxiety symptoms would return prompting a reminder to take my medication. We’ve all done it. How many of us have leftover Antibiotics in our home because we didn’t complete the full prescription?

I’ll take you on my 3-day nightmare.

Saturday I was fine. I enjoyed a workout at the gym, running some errands, and a dinner with wine and a movie!

Sunday, I woke up feeling tired and a little off. I thought it might be a result of the wine I had from the night before. But I didn’t drink that much, so I figured I was just tired. By mid-afternoon, I was feeling worse. Terrible headache, and nausea. Don’t hangovers usually get better as the day goes on? I went to bed early and hoped the feeling would pass by morning.

I woke on Monday morning and quickly realized this would not be a routine morning for me. I had an intense headache, nausea, dizziness, and a general feeling of being impaired. It was hard to focus. I had to take a sick day from work.

Monday evening. My headache is worse, dizziness is worse, and now I have this strange pulsing sensation from my chest to my head. It’s a very unsettling feeling which is amplified for me because I also have heart palpitations. I’ve had them for years. My mother had them too. Sadly, she died suddenly from congestive heart failure at the age of 50. I’m 43, and how my mom died is in my consciousness all the time. So, imagine my concern when I started to have strange pulsations from my chest to my head. Add that to the headache, dizziness, and nausea. It was very unsettling. I spent most of the day in bed.

Tuesday morning. I wake and thankfully my headache is gone. But that was a short-lived victory because it was replaced with a strange sweeping sound in my ears whenever I moved my eyes or head. Yes, a sweeping sound. I know. It’s hard to describe a sensation that was completely foreign to me. But this terrified me. I get up and walk to the kitchen. I felt completely impaired. Holding on to the wall kind of impaired. And the pulsations started again. I later find out that this sensation is known as ‘brain zaps’. That combination of words alone would scare anyone. Again, I had to call in sick to work. I am rarely sick, so being out for two days and having to cancel appointments with my CEO was no joke. I was completely immobilized. Mentally and Physically. Walking required forced concentration. Everything felt like it was in slow motion. I started to cry. What was happening to me? I checked to see if my Doctor was on Duty. He wasn’t. How would I explain this to him anyway? Sweeping sound in my ears when I move my eyes. Pulsations going from my chest to my head. Feeling like I’m in slow motion. Seriously? By now, I am convinced I am either at risk of having a heart attack or stroke or I have a brain tumor. Do I call 911? I felt helpless, confused, and scared. All in equal measure.

I opened my laptop and googled these words, “Dizziness and sweeping sound in ears’. I did. Surprisingly, that combination of words got a google result. I landed on a discussion forum where someone had asked the same question, but as “dizziness and swooshing sounds in ears”. YES. I’m not alone.

The forum was filled with Q&As of people experiencing the same symptoms as me. That’s where I saw the term ‘brain zaps’ to describe the pulsations I was experiencing. Such an accurate description. To my surprise, these symptoms are all side effects of withdrawal from Venlafaxine. This was the medication I started 2 months prior for my anxiety after I switched from a different medication that I had been taking for almost 3 years.

I realized then that I had missed a few days of taking my pills. Why? I have no legitimate reason. I got distracted. I forgot. I immediately retrieved my meds and took the daily dose. Within, 2 hours I felt much better. Within 4 hours, I was 100% better. All symptoms were gone. The relief I felt is beyond description.

Let’s backtrack to Sunday. At that point, I had missed 2 days of taking my meds. And the side effects of doing so had started. Unknowingly. I didn’t connect how I was feeling with the fact that I missed taking my meds. Plus considering the nausea I had, the last thing I thought about was taking medication. Big mistake.

For two days I was completely impaired. I was scared. I had never felt that way before. It came on so fast. I had missed 2 days of work. I couldn’t drive. I could barely stand up.

Since then I have done some research on Venlafaxine. I have found countless articles discussing the seriousness of its withdrawal symptoms.

So. Many. Warnings.

I even found an article listing Venlafaxine as one of “10 Medications it’s dangerous to stop abruptly”. The little bit of research I had done confirmed that Venlafaxine withdrawal symptoms can be severe. Apparently, even a short delay (hours) in taking the daily dose could severely impair motor skills. All the symptoms I had such as; confusion, impaired coordination, dizziness, headaches, nausea, sensory disturbances (including shock-like electrical sensations), sweating, etc. are listed as serious withdrawal symptoms for Venlafaxine. Plus, many more that I didn’t have. Thankfully.

I’m sharing my story (again). Because if doing so could prevent one person from experiencing what I did, it will be worth it.

We take the time to understand the side effects of a medication, but we often do not give equal attention to the side effects of abrupt discontinuation or delay in taking medication. I learned this the hard way. The scary way.

Next time I will know the side effects of taking a medication AND its withdrawal symptoms before I decide to take it.

I hope you do too.

Our mental wellness is worth it.

We are worth it.

With gratitude, always